Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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