She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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