We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
