She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
