Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize