Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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