Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Buhtt sex?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
