The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize