Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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