Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
