Quick, to the slutcave!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
