yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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