OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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