got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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