I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
