At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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