Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
