i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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