some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have already put on my inside pants.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
