I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
