i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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