he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
