Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
