My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize