I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
