Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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