i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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