He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
