thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
