you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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