And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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