I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she told me i tasted like america
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
