I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
