Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
