Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
