we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
