this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
