Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this beer tastes like vomit already
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
