tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
