Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
