She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
