So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its not stalking. its research.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
