i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
