i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont even know how to be here
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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