At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
