Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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