I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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