I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize