i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
