I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
