Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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