Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are we still banned from the library?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A+ Viking dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
