Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize