Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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