I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
