were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
