god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
