You're my little dorito
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
