She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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