So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
