ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize