Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
