A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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