I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
