I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who died my cat blue again?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
