No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
