I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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