i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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