They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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