Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
