I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
