so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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