Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
