Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
