I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
