if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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