totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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