Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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