Please, let me fuck your mom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
