It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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