Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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