found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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