Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
