If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
