I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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