Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
