next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
