I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
