I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
