evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
