He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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