I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
