Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
