I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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