I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
