My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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