I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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