You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
