forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
