Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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