Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
