Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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