I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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