I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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