someone owes me an orgasm
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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