tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
